Diary Of A Fish

By Gabe and Dave Weiss

For our fish

Day 1: 

I’m just a lost soul, swimming in a fishbowl. 

“Hey, what’s up Al?” 

“Just swimmin’ the dream, Eddie. How about you?” 

“Not much, out for a quick lap around the old dome, ya know?”

“Sure do. Enjoy it and I’ll see ya around next time!”

It’s always nice to swim into old friends. And not all that surprising when you live in a 30-gallon fishbowl. Wait a minute… what’s that weird green thing? Ahhhhh! 

Well, that was quite the rush. I appear to be in a much smaller bowl now. And the sides are oddly soft. It appears to be swinging back and forth. Oh boy, one of those snotty, little glass-tapping humans is holding it. Why does he keep pulling me up to his face? No need to get close, I can see you just fine buddy. 

“Hey, take it easy out there, ouch!” Looks like I’m being passed to another human. One who apparently keeps watch over some sort of magical, red laser. “Beep!” 

What a strange noise. And I’m back in the hands of the snotty one again. He’s going to make me bowlsick with all his incessant swinging. 

Good lord, it’s awfully bright now in this tiny bowl. I’ve heard about lights this bright before, but I thought they were just myths. I wonder what all these big machines are? They look like giant bowls on wheels. Whoa, we’re getting inside one!

This feels weird. I’m not swimming but everything is going by really fast. And snotface still keeps pulling me up close to his giant head. What the bubble is going on here?

Things are starting to move a little more slowly now. Are we rolling into some sort of cave? No, not a cave. Caves don’t have doors… And we’re walking. And we’re swinging… again. 

Uh oh, a taller snotface has me now. Oh my, look at that bowl! It’s got houses, and rocks, and gizmos a plenty! Let me in there! Arghhh. What kind of sick joke is this? I’m in the water, I can see everything. But this stupid softbowl won’t let me out! 

“Hello down there! Can you guys hear me?” 

“Gurgle, gargle, gurgle, gargle.”

“What’s that?! I can’t hear you?! Are you speaking finglish?!”

Maybe if I keep swimming towards the bottom of this softbowl it’ll let me out. 

Phew. I give up. I’m exhausted. 

Here comes the tall human again. What the–. 

WHOOOOOOSH! I’m free! Swim swim swim swim swim swim swim! Wow, this bowl is huge. And the accommodations are very nice! Now I just have to keep an eye out for another one of those big green monster things. I don’t ever want to go in a softbowl again. 

“Oh, hey there Al! What the gill are you doing all the way over here?!”

“Who’s Al? Hey guys, the new kid is a fin-job! He thinks my name is Al!”

“Hey, I’m no fin-job. You just look like an old pal of mine from my first bowl.”

“Well kid, there ain’t any Als in here. The name’s Zeke.”

“Nice to meet ya Zeke, I’m Eddie.”

“OK Eddie. Welcome to the bowl. Glad you’re not a fin-job. But there are a few rules we should discuss.”

“OK Zeke. Are you in charge here?”

“Rule #1, there are no rules.
Rule #2, there will never be any rules.
And Rule #3, this one is very important, the rules will never change because there aren’t any to change. Got all that?”

“I think so. Seems like a lot of rules though.”

“Guys, the new kid is Eddie, and he’s a bit of an ignoramus.”

…to be continued.