Brad,
That’s what you see every month when you volunteer, right? And if I am correct, you’re the guy who brings the brownies.
Who was Neil? What’s the title of the book?
The first two paragraphs frame the setting and introduce a few questions into the mind of the reader. Paragraphs 3 and 4 set the hook and make the reader want to finish the book.
We want to know more about Jack, Bob, and Neil. What were the circumstances that brought each of them to the leftover food station, and will things get better or worse for them, and why?
You power-punched a lot of engagement into just 4 paragraphs. Now finish the book.
Uh-oh. Indy just snatched it up and headed to the rabbit hole.
Roy
You are right. I bring the brownies. This will be the first book in which I make an appearance as an adult.
I’m 20K words into the first draft. This excerpt I sent is toward the end of that word count. Working title is “The Homeless Detective” but that will change. Neil is a bit character.
This book is based on the character in your favorite short story – The Icebox – after he became an adult. Tell Indy I’m giving him that link to it for peeps that might want to read it.
Brad