The Bangor, Maine Police Department has a marvelous Facebook page. I think Lieutenant Tim Cotton is our brand of crazy. – Indy Beagle

Here’s a posting from last week:

I appreciate the notes, questions, inquiries, and, to some degree, I do enjoy reading your complaints. 

Again, if you saw someone speeding—yesterday—you don’t need to message me today. 

Additionally, this not really the venue to report offenses being perpetrated by your neighbor who “never mows” their lawn. I’m just not set up properly to put them in prison, at least, for that. While we are progressive, we don’t have a lawn care division, yet.

As for the demands that I share the story of someone’s alcohol-based hand sanitizer being left in their automobile (in the sun) and bursting into flames and subsequently destroying their custom naugahyde interior, I do not have confirmation that this is a common issue. 

Yeah, that story has come across my feed as well. I have no information other than what I have seen on the Interweb. For issues like that, our local fire department might be the better spot to ask. They love, love, love that stuff.  

I do know that Chester, who lives on the east side, has left a bottle of Five O’clock vodka on the floorboard of his 1964 Ford pickup truck for over seven years, and the ol’ F-100 has never burst into flames. He keeps it capped, unless he is sitting in the truck, but the sun shines into that interior most of the time. 

If you are going to call and complain, I want to share that the motor is out of the truck, and it hasn’t moved since 1979. Essentially, his wife doesn’t let him drink in the house. Chet refers to it as the “Veranda.”

 All I am saying is that I don’t know if hand sanitizer will blow up, burn, or burst into a horrific conflagration when left in the sun. I always lean toward better safe than sorry. You should probably put the bottles of hand sanitizer in the center console, the glovebox, or maybe your purse.

**No offense intended, Chester. I know that a half gallon with a side-handle won’t fit into your purse.**

Don’t believe everything that you read on Facebook. You should know that by now. Still, I am not the guy who can confirm or deny all the Interweb stories, so, do your research before sharing. Chester doesn’t have “the Facebook.”

Continue to be safe, please. We appreciate your patronage to our page.

Call us if you need police aid or intervention.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

We will be here-using hyperbole, bloviation, and somewhat factual information to both inform, and intrigue the discriminating reader. 

If you do not appreciate hyperbole, or being intrigued by a simpleton, do not come to my writing page by clicking on my name. Things just go downhill from there. 

Be well, all of you. 

Lt. Tim Cotton
Bangor Police Department

PS – Tim has a book that will be released on July 1, 2020. Take a look.