When Harold Met the Schoolboy’s Momma
Harold was an Irish bully
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
Schoolboy didn’t have a Dad.
He worked every day after school
In a welding shop full of bitter men
Who had broken every rule.
Life is hard when you don’t have a name.
You get all the shitty jobs.
A fourteen-year-old kid without no kin?
Let the little bastard sob.
Harold was an Irish bully
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
One night Harold was all pissed off
And gave Schoolboy a hard right fist
That landed the boy ten feet away.
He wasn’t even missed.
Schoolboy got home late that night
With a goose-egg on his jaw.
Her baby boy couldn’t turn his head,
That’s what his Momma saw.
Harold was an Irish bully
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
“If I was a man, I’d beat him half to death,
But a woman can do what she can.”
So into the night she drove her car
To find a better man.
When Schoolboy went to work next day,
Boss said, “You run off and hide!
They took Harold away in handcuffs today
And his friends are ready to ride.”
Harold was an Irish bully
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
You cain’t beat up school-age kids,
Even in Tulsa-town.
D.A. said, “This has gone far enough.
I’m bringing that bully down.”
It took all he had plus everything
He could beg, borrow’n’ steal
For Harold to make bail and hire
A lawyer. “You gotta make me a deal!”
Harold was an Irish bully
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
Lawyer said, “Your best chance would’ve been
If that kid had ducked.
If you were freight, I would say
You are well and truly trucked.”
“That boy’s Momma is an eighteen WHEELER!”
Harold was an Irish bully,
Who always got his way,
Until he met the Schoolboy’s Momma
And she blew his ass away.
Out of money and deep in debt
Harold went to the Schoolboy’s home,
Got on his knees and begged his Mom,
“Please, please leave me alone.”
Schoolboy’s Momma said,
“Are you impressed with what you did?
Two hundred pounds and 32 years old?
You shouldn’t have hit my kid.”
[Spoken]
Harold was an Irish bully
Who jumped into the frying pan.
Because when he met the Schoolboy’s Momma,
He met a better man.
© Roy H. Williams, July 12, 2020
Written at 6AM on a Sunday morning after deciding that I would write a third country song in 30 minutes. This time, it would be about something that happened to me.